Coaches Memo is an area where I share what is going on in my world, the ways in which the power of coaching is affecting my life, and insights I have recently experienced.
Mark Reinert
From loneliness toward belonging, one simple secret
Have you had some days lately that tested your spirit?
It can be easy to feel lonely, especially when you face big challenges.
Whether you’re in a love relationship or not, Valentine’s Day is a time when many of us get in touch with loneliness. Getting in touch with your deeper feelings, isn’t a bad thing.
Still, it can be pretty uncomfortable.
I want to share with you a video about an 18 year old man, Ben Comen, who has persevered to find a sense of belonging even in some pretty uncomfortable situations.
An important secret for going from loneliness toward belonging
If you’re facing a big challenge in your life, you’ve probably noticed it feels even bigger when you feel alone.
There’s something about feeling connected and having a sense of belonging, that helps you face challenging things.
Watch this video about Ben Comen, an 18 year old man who lives with cerebral palsy.
WHILE YOU WATCH pay attention to how Ben
- Persists in the face of challenge.
- Is willing to accept the support of others while still being independent and taking care of himself.
Society tells us that winning means having it all together.
Not needing help.
Belonging – and being loved - requires something different
Ben demonstrates exactly what you need in order to experience more love and belonging.
- Be willing to be imperfect and let others see you.
- Be willing to let others help you
I know what you're thinking. It's easier said than done. My situation is more complicated.
Listen, I know it’s hard to do, but you’ll get what you want a lot faster
If you’ll let down your guard.
Even … just a little. Play with it. Experiment this week.
Here’s something simple you can do.
Let a friend or co-worker see a few of your rough edges.
Let even just one person see you sweat a little and see that something isn’t easy for you.
How can you can do this?
Ask someone you know for help. It’s best if you do this with something that really matters to you. Something you’d normally just struggle with alone.
If that’s too scary, find something smaller to ask for help with.
Do you have the courage to give it a try?
I’ll bet the results will surprise you.
If this idea is frightening, go back and watch the video again for inspiration. See how Ben Comen takes care of himself while accepting help and encouragement from others.
This can sometimes feel vulnerable, but once you start to play with letting your guard down and being a little more open, you'll notice a very clear and positive shift in how people relate to you. They’ll notice and like you more for it. And you won’t feel quite as alone.
But don't take my word for it.
Try it for yourself!
Mark
P.S. Let me know how it goes. You can contact me here.
What are you experimenting with?
About 11 years ago I had an accident that resulted in a back injury. I began seeing a chiropractor, at first daily. One of the first things he did was to urge me to focus on my breathing.
I was downright skeptical about the idea that breathing could help me to manage the pain and speed healing.
Yet, something as simple as making a photocopy of the insurance paperwork was downright painful! So, I was willing to try.